Guilt of FTWM

After Chloe is one, i quickly decided that i should go back to workforce.  I should share the financial burden for the sole breadwinner then.

During those time, with single income, it was hard. i had to count on every cents that we use, i sell unused things online , be very thrifty on spending and save a lot through breasfeeding.

Everytime she falls asleep, i will be online, searching for any possible job or business opportunity then. It is really tiring, both mentally and physically.

Fast forward, now i am FTWM ( 1y6m), the guilt always beat me hard.  How loving it is too be able to witness her growth everyday...she grows every second.

I remember one incident when my current nanny had an emergency week long leave, i have no choice but put her with a new temporary one..
How my heart wrench..
I keep self -blaming..
I cry..
Somehow, that day i manage to survive without having any meals..and not hungry, but feeling grieve.

I know one day, i will decide to leave the desk i work again, but i need to make sure we can survive financially.

What i want Chloe to think of her mom?
Yes, the one who able to be with her whenever she needs her. We can do nothing, just hugging together, feeling the wrath of skin. That's it!




Disclaimer: All the opinion are mine and right at the time of writing.