Decision to be full time mother

Before she was born, is my grand-est wish that I will be able to take care my own child. However, due to something 'happen' , I need to draw back this thinking for moments. Now the things come back to me again...

 

The things has been lingering in my mind since now and then.

Question 1
You need the job or the job need you?

Question 2
Few years down the road will you regret with your decision?

Question 3
How much you gain and loss? Have you counted well?

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This is self questions and answers section ;)

 

For questions 1.
I am thankful to hubs that actually he has provide me with financial stability. Though I am working now, my pays just enough for my own debts. This mean that I am not contributing to household income and things may be alright if I stay home and take care the kids. Counting the monthly childcare we need to spent monthly really do not worth it. Say me a calculative one!! So now, back to the question, job need me or I need job?  Presently I think my child needs me more. Who can love and can care for them as much as me? I am nothing to the world but a whole world for my child.

 

For question 2.
R.e.g.r.e.t is painful even when it is spelled , what to say when you are in it. If I am a working mum, I wont regret for the amount of financial freedom I have, the 'me' time that I am longing, the job achievement and the society perspective on me. Ironically,  society respect you when you says you work in certain organization compare to when you describe them how your child get a balance diet each day. But. . I will regret if my own child is not properly taken care of, if I am not the one who mould their personality, if one day she decided to let go of me because we lack...so called connection or in the simple word ..there is gap. My heart sank and self blame for her constipation few weeks back. If I am at home,  caring for her diet , she wont need to go through the ordeal. Maybe I wont regret, because my reward is seeing them grow up everyday.. and that is so warm!...

 

For question 3.

I have a blank mind onto answering the question now...

 

opps....

Her meltdown

She has been very hard to 'settle' lately. Daddy has losing his cool few time and spanked her butt on few occasion.

        Last Saturday is another meltdown drama. We are back from nanny house and it her nap time. I am also look forward to lay flat. She was so engaged to her cartoon at Ipad and do not want to sleep.

I keep the Ipad high.

She cried.. hardly.

I try to reason.. she hits me.

Shouting and crying like tornado just-visit.

I lost myself. I lift up my hand ( the same hand that i use to caress her, hug her, make her food, etc) and spank her hard on her butt near the thigh. I could feel my hand swelling hot.

She do no give up.. still insisting the ipad!

I get mad uncontrolled.

I spank again.  My hand is hot and swell.. but my heart is even pain.

Now, she settled.

I shouted at her " Take you bottle and lay down" she obeyed.  I relief...in a few second she fall asleep.


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Last night, she almost get the same treat again..

But, me been wiser by time..divided her attention and managed to settle her peacefully.

If you ask me, which path i will choose, i will say the second.  Is better divide her attention , that give her a spank-STOP order.

Night cry

It happens that I almost scared to sleep at night. Started from last Thursday, Chloe (1Y2W) has been crying suddenly while we all slumber. This occasion took a few session each night.

She cried so loud and hard as if she is been beaten or in terrible pain. Siggghhh...

Started from Thursday night when the cousins come and overnight. " Maybe she played too much" mum lamented. Then friday and saturday in row...

Sunday morning, I went to buy Bo Ying compound as i read before that it can ease night cry etc.. give a try. RM36/pack (6bottles)

Sunday night, she still cry bit and more controlable..Monday night, still cry but getting better.  Last night, phewww....i think i only sleep any better last night. Thanks and i still continue to give her as the salesperson recommended a bottle a day and Chloe yet to finish one!!

Additional information:

Bo Ying compound is an ancient formula for young children.Traditionally used for phlegm, vomiting, crying at night, fever, cold and cough. For children 1 year-10year old.