Comfort zone

Have heard of comfort zone? Have heard of cocoon and how d butterfly  struggling to come out of it and eventually flying freely?

Life now is good,  steady income, comfort and comfort..

One more year, she is going to be in primary one. What does it means to me?

Dear, i really dont want you to be taken care by others after school. I want to be with you, shaping your character, pursuing your life challenge with you. You know how comfortable mummy now, if you go to your caretaker and mummy bring you back after work. Save the fuss, the shouts,and sanity.

But mummy knows is not like that. Soon, and very soon you will grow, and our time together is short. I want to cherish all my moments with you. This may cost mummy some price.

Mummy be strong, knowing that 20years later, you will not regret for your decision.

Guilt of FTWM

After Chloe is one, i quickly decided that i should go back to workforce.  I should share the financial burden for the sole breadwinner then.

During those time, with single income, it was hard. i had to count on every cents that we use, i sell unused things online , be very thrifty on spending and save a lot through breasfeeding.

Everytime she falls asleep, i will be online, searching for any possible job or business opportunity then. It is really tiring, both mentally and physically.

Fast forward, now i am FTWM ( 1y6m), the guilt always beat me hard.  How loving it is too be able to witness her growth everyday...she grows every second.

I remember one incident when my current nanny had an emergency week long leave, i have no choice but put her with a new temporary one..
How my heart wrench..
I keep self -blaming..
I cry..
Somehow, that day i manage to survive without having any meals..and not hungry, but feeling grieve.

I know one day, i will decide to leave the desk i work again, but i need to make sure we can survive financially.

What i want Chloe to think of her mom?
Yes, the one who able to be with her whenever she needs her. We can do nothing, just hugging together, feeling the wrath of skin. That's it!




Disclaimer: All the opinion are mine and right at the time of writing.

Good if not the best day care-taker

Hopeful and finger-crossing that we has found the good if not the best day care-taker for Chloe of 13mo2wk. After being 1 year full time mother, juggling between house works and our only daughter at the moment feeling relieve that she will be in good hand. (my prayer before she was born)

She started to go nanny's house with trial period 2 hours yesterday.  Today she is going to stay longer, lunch,milking, bath and nap there. Hopeful with the companion, 3 yo boy and 6mo girl, she will like it  My only hope is for her physical and emotional safety while under the care.

Okay, that means 2 days more before i get down on working track.  Planning ahead and that is the key point to everything!  Though we cant always get the desired result but at least get better result than unplanned- for Chloe.

Going Back to work

Suddenly so heavy-hearted when husband told me this morning that I am accepted into his company. My position will be to train the new quality control guy then after all the training(i expect in two-month) will stay as human resource officer. I anticipated this and when the news come why I am no so happy? I should glad??

Time really fast, I have been taking care Chloe for 1 year plus now and the sudden news that I will get back to work make me so reluctant.  Though, i know and understand this is what working mother needs to go through.:(

This 1 year has pass and is not a life of roses too!  Being 24 hours mummy sometime makes me sick!!  EH! Motherhood, don't complain please. Okay, i accept.

From newborn, breastfeed, turning, smiling, blinking ,sounding, crawling, and now she started walking. I am so gladful that i manage to witness her development day by day. Is a kind of achievement for new mother like me. Before Chloe is born, i never expected this is the feeling of being a mother. You know, you are so important to someone!

I don't know how she will react to her new care-taker who are not her mummy soon, but I do hope i can accompany her and make the transition smooth and gay for her.

Chloe.. mummy really miss you.. I felt the water blurring my vision ...